he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have already put on my inside pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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