All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
