dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
