remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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