tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
