I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
