I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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