In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
