Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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