Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
