I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
