how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
