I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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