There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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