i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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