Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
