bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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