ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
