Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
two words: eviction party
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
