she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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