brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
