I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
