am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize