im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
