so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
