So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
