i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
