He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
