i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I want a musical about memes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
