Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
