Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize