So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So apparently I’m into choking now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
