I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize