So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
