Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
