matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
