Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
