i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
