he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
