I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
