proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
