you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
