At least make sure they are 18
Why
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
im on a boat
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