He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
someone owes me an orgasm
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize