So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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