Christians are straight up FREAKS
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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