I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize