you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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