Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
