my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
