All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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