lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
