how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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