you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
