Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
