her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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