so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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