I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
