If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
