How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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