so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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