This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
