Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
