i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
