You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
