It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
