mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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