R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
