That's when you crack a 10am beer
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
