My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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