if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize