She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
