Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
