New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
