Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
