..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
