so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize