I faked an abortion last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
