I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
