my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
