His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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