you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
