i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
