Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
