she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
