that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
