I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
