Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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