oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
