He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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