Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize