dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
